


Rainbow

by MarieMaknae23



Series: Oh miracle [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Rainbow Baby, Sequel, Smut, Spin Off, side 2jae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-01-04 15:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18346196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieMaknae23/pseuds/MarieMaknae23
Summary: Life has given him a second chance, a true miracle, a rainbow to show him that the dark days were over."A rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a miscarriage. The name “rainbow baby” comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happened or that the family isn't grieving. What it means is that something beatiful and filled with light appeared admist the darkness of the clouds."Spin off to "It was just one time, now it's forever"





	1. Love of my life

Jinyoung POV

              ”Unfortunately, Mr. Tuan, you can’t conceive”

              With those words it seemed that my whole world started falling apart, along with all my dreams, my desires, my aspirations, everything that Mark and I ever thought of having together.

              I knew I couldn’t start to cry in front of the doctor, in front of Mark, I could feel his hand squeezing mine, and that was my reason to stay strong, or at least, I had to pretend to be strong at that time.

              The love we had between us was stronger than our inability to have children of our own.

              But still, on the way back home, we both remained silent. Mark tried to engage in a conversation, but I felt a knot in my throat that couldn’t let me utter a word, I felt that I was going to start crying at any time, or that my voice would break and let the world know that I was resisting the urge to cry and wail. I assumed that he understood that I didn’t felt like talking, so he tried to hold my hand like he was doing at the doctor’s office, but I had my arms crossed over my lap, my hands couldn’t stop shaking, and my bad habit of nail biting returned.  

When we finally arrived at the apartment, I didn’t even bothered to say hello to Jaebum and Jackson, who were in the living room, playing video games, I simply made my way to our bedroom, closed the door behind me and, after I buried myself completely in the blankets, I let go of that desperate cry that I had stored in my chest.

I didn’t know exactly for how long my tears ran unceasingly down my cheeks, sometimes accompanied by strong sobs, which made Mark or Jackson enter the room, asking me what was going on, if I was okay and things I could hear but couldn’t understand.

On another times, my tears fell silently down my cheeks, my mind recalled all those talks I had with Mark in the same bed, after making love, our long talks of the names of our future children, if they were going to have Chinese, American or Korean names, how our future would be together when we left university, how anxious we both were to form a family, to be together for life.

“Jinyoung?” this time it was Jaebum's voice that was heard in the room, a halo of light came through the door ajar, I hadn’t even realized that it was already dark “Mark told me everything that happened” I gave a long sigh, I had ran out of tears for some time now, my eyes were feeling heavy and swollen “You want to talk?”

“I don’t understand what we could talk about if Mark has already told you everything.” I was surprised at how hoarse and congested my voice sounded.

“Well, Jackson took him for a walk, the poor man couldn’t stop pacing in front of the door of the room, he didn’t eat anything in the whole day, like you, and starts crying every time you cry, as if he needs another excuse to cry” he entered the room and the smell of instant ramen filled the air “he made it for you before he left” he placed it on the bedside table “Come on, Jinyoung, I've been your best friend since I can remember, talk to me” he took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“I've never understood the reason for talking about a problem...all it does is reopen the wound”

“I always asked myself the same thing, but then I discovered that talking about our problems is better than keep them for yourself, if you keep them, they accumulate in your chest until one day you can no longer bear them and you end up exploding, and that’s when, a problem that could be easily resolved at that moment, becomes something much bigger” Jaebum said.

"I don’t think this problem can be solved that easily, just by talking” I grimaced, I hated how bitter my voice sounded.

“Jinyoung, you're closing yourself to a world of possibilities” Jaebum interrupted me “Do you really think that only conceiving is the only way to have children? And the thousands of children in orphanages around the world? And women desperate because they are pregnant and can’t take care of that baby? Those children who are being conceived only to throw them in a trash can? Do not you think it's better to be with a family that will love them and give them everything they deserve?”

“You say it like it's very simple” I made another grimace “If it is difficult for heterosexual couples to adopt, how will it be for a couple like us?”

“The world is changing” Jaebum said, quite sure of himself.

“Oh, Jaebum!” I let out a bitter laugh and I get up on the bed, leaning my back on the headboard and hugging my knees “I love the ease with which you talk about things that are not at all simple” I sighed.

“I'm sorry, I guess that…”

“You guess everything is so easy because you don’t live it in your own flesh, and you...you have your own precious miracle across the corridor, life gave you a second chance, a chance that you are wasting” I shook my head and he lowered his head in embarrassment “you have a second chance, with someone who, according to you, made you feel like nobody had made you feel, and, simply because of your selfishness, your fear, you let him fight alone, you gave your miracle to someone who had no contact with Youngjae more than two years.”

“I know, believe me I've been thinking about it a lot, I always dreamed about them in the holidays, the three of them, and, in each dream, I saw Youngjae crying, walking away from me, disappearing from between my arms” he shook his head, like wanting to take away that image “I think that's really what I did to him, I pushed him away, I disappeared his essence.”

“Believe me, Jaebum, don’t waste this opportunity. Life gave you another chance with Youngjae, don’t make the same mistakes with me, amend the mistakes you made with him, with me.”

“I try, but Youngjae is so angry with me, and I really don’t blame him, I've been a fool.” I could feel the anguish in his voice.

“Well, let me tell you something that you just told me, with talking, people understand a lot of things.”

“Yes, but the problem is that I don’t know what to say if he ever accepts to talk to me” he wrinkled his nose almost comically “Every time I try to talk to him, I end up acting like a douchebag.”

“Maybe you should start by asking for forgiveness from the bottom of your heart and, above all, tell the truth, the whole truth.

“He wouldn’t believe me” he laughed a bit bitterly “I hurt that boy so much, I don’t know if he would forgive me, I wouldn’t”

“But you love him, don’t you?” I asked in a soft voice.

“I don’t know…”

“Yes, you do know...I think you have to be honest with yourself first, so that Youngjae will see that you are being totally honest with him.”

“Sometimes I hate the way you speak, honestly” Jaebum ran a hand through his hair.

“I'm the person who knows you the best” I shrugged “I know you more than you know yourself.” he snorted.

“You know, sometimes I wonder what would have happened to our life if…” Jaebum left the phrase on the air, but obviously I knew what he was referring to.

“I don’t know” I frowned and I rubbed my tired eyes “I guess our parents would’ve forced us to marry and by now we would be divorced, really angry at each other and with a kid involved” we both burst out laughing “he should’ve been 4 years old by now” we both sighed, and I shook my head once more “but, what happened between us makes me believe more and more in destiny. It is true that God does not close a door without opening another, that everything happens for some reason. If you and I had not separated by what happened, I would not have met Jackson, and Jackson would not have introduced me to Mark, who is the love of my life” I felt my eyes fill with tears again, but this time they were not by hopelessness or sadness, if not realize, once again, the great love I had for him “I won’t say it doesn’t hurt me, because it does, it also hurts me that we won’t ever be able to have a family of our own, so to speak, but still, he is the love of my live, and nothing is going to change the way I feel for him.” 

The door of the room opened once more and Mark entered, he also had red and swollen eyes, he had red spots on his face and neck, he had a paper tissue in one hand and he constantly sniffed, he didn’t look very good to say and I guess I wasn’t in a better state.

“I'll leave you two so you can talk.” Jaebum said, giving me a friendly slap on the knee before standing up. “And remember, don’t close yourself to a world of possibilities”

Jaebum closed the door behind him as he left the room, and we both fell silent for a few seconds, observing our deplorable aspects.

“Jinyoung” Mark sighed after a while.

“No, stop” I interrupted. “Mark, I'm the one who has to talk, I'm the one obsessed with all this, actually I'm the one who forced you to go through all these tests, I'm the one with the problem.” Mark denied energetically with his head to each one of my sentences.

“Listen, Jinyoung, neither you nor I are to blame for what is going on, you can’t say that you are the one who forced me to go through all this, I also wanted this, and eagerly, because this is something you want with all your being” his nose began to bubble again “You have no idea how much it hurts me not being able to give you what you want the most...”

“Mark, Mark, Mark” his name came out as poetry from my lips while my hands cradled his face and my thumbs wiped away his tears “I wanted to have kids with you, because I love you, and not for this I will stop loving you, you are my family, and I don’t love you less because we can’t have kids” I kissed his cheeks wet and he hiccupped “what matters most is that you're by my side, and the rest will come in addition.”

“Seriously, there are times I feel like I don’t deserve you, Jinoyungie” Mark said, sniffing and placing one of his hands over mine.

Seeing him like that, only with the soft light that came from the street lamp, and despite having red, swollen eyes, I thought he was the most attractive man in the world, it reminded me when I first met him at one of the many parties that Jackson dragged me, parties to which I didn’t belong, nor I liked, those parties were too noisy and I wasn’t so interested in getting drunk and losing consciousness as everyone else.

In my attempts to escape the noise, the people and Jackson wanting to be the center of attention, I met him by causality in the courtyard, also away from the crowd, quietly smoking a cigarette, with several bottles of beer scattered at his feet and his cell phone hand.

His imperfect accent seemed adorable to me, his features were so fine that they seemed carved in marble, everything about him seemed so perfect that it could be said I fell in love with him at first sight.

This day he looked just as perfect, but, this time, I could actually do what I wanted to do that night when I first saw his lips, after three years together his lips were still calling me every time I saw them, they kept looking as appetizing as the first time, so my lips joined his, finding the familiarity of his mouth.

We kissed calmly and unhurriedly, melting into such a deep, intimate embrace, we kissed until the most natural thing was to lie on the bed, our legs tangling with each other, our bodies trying to become one.

The clothes suddenly began to get in the way, and they ended up scattered around the room, which I always really appreciated that Jackson and Jaebum had decided to leave the room to the two of us when they realized that it was impossible for us to stop making love almost every night.

The contact of our sweaty skins was enough to take my breath away, to feel his hands go over my body, adoring every corner, made me sigh, to feel his hot lips kiss and lick those points that drove me crazy made me emit light moans that bristled his hairs.

“Ah...Mark” I arched my back as the eldest walked the "line of perdition", as he used to call it, with his tongue, his hair tickling my belly and his mouth soon finding my swollen erection, throbbing anxiously for some kind contact.

Mark understood perfectly my silent prayer, his mouth wrapped perfectly the tip of my erection and sucked with the necessary strength, his tongue playing with the slit, making me cling to his hair and muffled the obscene sounds that came from my throat with one of my arms.

Soon his mouth engulfed my whole length, placing a hand on my abdomen to keep me still, since my hips had moved involuntarily upward, almost choking him in the process, but my body acted alone when it needed more than Mark, it felt like it had been an eternity since Mark had given me a blowjob, so my lower instincts took over my body.

“You taste so well, Nyoungie” if there was something that completely turned me on was when Mark spoke to me with his low voice, filled with lust, whispering dirty things in English “I could eat you until I die, and I would die happily between your honey thighs.”

“Mark...” I sighed, taking his chin before he put my dick in his mouth again, normally he would’ve already turned himself so that I could prepare him to penetrate him, as given to a certain trauma with the baby I lost, I wasn’t too used in being a bottom, from time to time I would bottom, but it was only on special occasions and according to my level of lust and need in my blood. “Today I won’t…” the soft kisses that Mark left in my inner thighs distracted me from thinking straight.

“You don’t want to?” he asked, his hands cupped my manhood and gave a little squeeze. He had knelt between my legs, looking like the damn Adonis he was, his white skin was beaded with sweat, his cheeks flushed, his hair, almost blond, disheveled, his erection proudly erected , inviting me to touch it, fanning a desire in me, a desire that it had been a long time since I felt it.

“Today _I want_ to” I said, and Mark immediately understood my words, there was a flash of lust that shined in his hazelnut eyes, he grabbed my thighs strongly and spread my legs wider, letting him have a full access to my tight entrance. “Make love to me, Mark.”

The hunger with which he attacked my mouth after my words left me momentarily out of breath, he lay down fully on me and I received him with pleasure between my legs, wrapping them around his back, wanting to become one.

I don’t know how he managed to search on the nightstand some lube while his mouth was being responsible for leaving deep purplish marks on my neck and collarbone, while my hand was masturbating him feverishly, watching how the muscles in his shoulders and back tightened deliciously.

“Fuck.” he muttered under his breath, after throwing the bottle of lube in the bed and continuing to rummage through the drawer.

“What’s wrong?” I panted, rubbing our cocks together.

“We're out of condoms,” he sighed, scratching his head. “Let me go borrow one from Jackson quickly.”

“Who cares?” I replied, pulling him against me when I felt that he was getting up, with force I managed to turn us around, now me being on top, straddling him. “Do we really need those fucking things?” I moved my hips gently on his erection, which coincidentally managed to stay in the middle of my buttocks, I felt him tense and emitted a low growl, squeezing my buttocks between his fingers. “I only need you.”

I knew he was desperate, I knew his lust and need was too much, and why denying it? Also was mine, but still, he took all the time in the world to prepare me perfectly, expanding inside me with his skillful fingers, his other hand caressing my back and his lips never left my mouth, all this was a strange amount of pleasure and romance that filled my body and warmed my soul.

When his dick began to make way in my tight walls, I clung tightly to the sheets, sighing at the strange mixture of pleasure and pain that the intrusion generated, Mark continued whispering reassuring words in my ear, sitting up a little on the bed, leaning his back on the headboard, resting his heels on the bed, to push gently, introducing more and more to fill me completely.

“Shit, Jinyoung, you're so tight, so delicious, you're so beautiful, you're so perfect.” Mark mumbled, searching my lips once more, moving carefully, listening to the soft sighs that came from my throat. “I love you.”

And we both melted into a passionate frenzy, it wasn’t messy or senseless, like other times we fucked, this was slower, more precise, I knew that he didn’t wanted to hurt me, since it had been a long time since I had bottomed, but not for being careful it stopped being very pleasant.

I found myself moving my hips at my own pace, making his glorious erection go in and out of me at my own pace, Mark supported me so as not to tire me so fast, clinging to my hips with force, never losing eye contact, reveling in my grimaces of pleasure.

When I was a little more used to his width and length, Mark settled me in four on the bed and began to penetrate to his pace and need, I felt him fit the pads of his fingers hard on my hips, he squeezed my buttocks to his liking, massaged them and I would pull them together, separate them to get a better view of how his manhood was lost in my tight entrance.

I had never considered myself noisy, usually, when making love, the only sounds that came from my throat were soft sighs and quiet moans, but at that moment, my throat emitted hoarse moans and strong sighs, which mixed with the gasps of him, my mouth emerged so dirty phrases at other times I would have blushed just listen at them, but at that time I didn’t care and Mark just responded with passion to all of my sounds, mumbling a mixture of words among Chinese, English and Korean, I knew that this confusion of language occurred when he was too excited to think well and knowing that I could cause such confusion with something so simple, made me crazy.

I informed him that my end was very close, so we both knelt on the bed, and continued at his own pace, with one hand wrapped around my collarbones, sticking to his body, nipping and panting in my ear, with the other hand he took care of my erection, pulling it to the rhythm that penetrated me and, from one moment to the other, we both saw the stars and touched the sky together, he poured completely inside me, filling me with his warm seed and me staining the sheets, his hand and my chest.

Neither of us said a word for a long time in which our bodies returned to normal, I felt his seed slip from my entrance to my thighs, but at that time I didn’t cared, there would be time to cleanse, there would be time to remove with a hot shower, that perhaps I would take with him, his sweat mixed with mine and other bodily fluids in which we were covered. 

For the moment I just wanted him to hug me, just as he did after we both layback on the sheets, hugging me with such force that I understood without words.

He was the love of my life and nothing was going to change that, I didn’t care about the future at those moments, I just wanted him to continue hugging me tightly, intoxicating me with his sweet aroma and cooing me with his rhythmic breathing. 


	2. False Hopes

The most horrible feeling you can have while at work, apart from having diarrhea, is the nausea.

Nausea is that kind of sensation that no matter how much you try to move away, it doesn't go away with anything, it causes you a discomfort that is persistent throughout your body, at all hours, and most importantly, it doesn't let you eat, it doesn't let you drink water, it doesn’t leave you or be near any place of food, or appreciate the delicious aroma of coffee in the morning, and, ultimately, is that even the smell of soap causes you repulsion.

“Sunbae?” Hyunjin asked me, he had looked up from his notes for a few moments and, I suppose, had seen me look out the window, fighting with myself for not throwing up on the poor student who I had been in charge of tutoring. “Are you feeling good?”

“Yes, nothing happens” I took a deep breath through my nose, but in doing so, the scent of his perfume mixed with the aroma of fried chicken from the nearby establishment “Do you have any doubts?” I asked in a tight voice, oh no, the nausea continued to grow stronger.

“No, everything is perfect, but...maybe you should take a little rest.”Hyunjin looked at me with a frown when I had to lean on the wall, placing a hand over my mouth. “You look bad.”

“I'm fine” I cleared my throat a couple times, looking at the wall clock desperately, there was still 20 minutes for our tutoring session to end. “let me see, show me what you’ve done” I extended my hand, maybe if I distracted with something might forget that annoying feeling, but even so, on the music sheet all I could see were only notes that had sense to me, not at the time, but I knew that Hyunjin was too good a student, I didn't even knew why he was taking recovery courses. “You know? I still don’t understand why you take so much effort to come to take recovery courses, your compositions are almost as perfect as those of Jisung or Changbin” the young man blushed a little, I would have paid a little more attention to his body language, but I was more focused on not throwing up “So for today, you can go home. See you next week.”

The young man mumbled several things that I didn't pay attention to, yes, it was something rude on my part, but I really needed him to leave to be able to decompose me calmly, so I left him picking up his things, and took my cell phone, sending a quick message to Mark, to hurry to come and pick me up. 

“Sunbae” Hyunjin said before going out the door, he seemed extremely nervous; he kept playing with something in his hands. “Do you think that one day, outside of class, can we go for coffee or something?” 

“Oh, Hyunjin.” suddenly my stunned brain could click on the reason of why his insistence on having me as a tutor “You know I am currently…”

It was too bad a moment, to tell the truth, my body finally released all the warning signs that I couldn’t hold my stomach in its place and, at least having the dignity to turn away, I vomited loudly.

 

X

X

X

My whole body felt heavy, I dragged my legs down the hall, to the apartment, my eyes almost closed, full of sleep, it seemed as if I had not slept in three days, I was almost sure that I would fall asleep as soon as my body had contact with my pillow.

I barely made a sign to Youngjae and Jaebum, who watched movies thrown on the couch, where they seemed to be most of the time when I returned home, and kept on my way, my body already in an absolute automatism.

“Hey, Jinyoung!” Jackson greeted me when I arrived in front of the door of the room “I'm leaving for the gym, are you coming with me? Oh wow...” He put on a terrified face “You look absolutely horrible.”

“Thank you very much, Jackson.”

“No, it's that, seriously dude, it seems as if you hadn't slept in days.”He put a hand on my shoulder “You feel good?

“Yes, I'm just very tired” I answered him, leaning on the door “It seems that I'm going to catch a cold, I've been feeling like this all week.” I shrugged.

“Well, then Mark Hyung better let you sleep tonight” he tried to joke, but still, his face was serious. “Rest well, Nyoung-ah.”

“Thank you, Sseun-ah” I gave him a tap on the shoulder before opening the bedroom dorm. 

Mark was inside, just as I expected, he had his AirPods on and he looked bored with his cell phone, he didn't realize that I had arrived until I threw myself on his side, snuggling with my pillow, letting out a moan of relief at the knowing that I could finally sleep, probably until the next day, without caring that it was barely five or six in the afternoon.

“Yes, hello love, how was your day?” Mark snorted, taking off an AirPod. 

“Hi” I muttered in a thick voice. “I'm sorry, I'm very tired.” I crawled towards him, hugging his slim figure. “I think I'm going to catch a cold, you know how bad I get when I start to get sick.” I leaned on his chest, the sound of his heart began to act as a tranquilizer.

"It's okay, baby, rest.” he put his arm around my back, caressing it with the tips of his fingers. 

However, it hadn’t been ten minutes, when I was finally being dragged by Morpheus into his beautiful arms, when a persistent sound began to bother me, it was a very particular and rhythmic sound, it was nothing more than the sound of Mark sniffing his nose for having a runny nose, but, for some strange reason, I was almost getting out of my right mind.

I took a deep breath, trying to relax, maybe it was bothering me just because he was making that annoying noise very close to my ear, so after taking a deep breath through my nose, I turned to the other side, ceasing to be leaning against his chest, hugging the pillow between my arms and I returned to try and go back to sleep, which already could happen at any time.

Until Mark's hand began to stroke my hair, or rather, he began to strongly carve my scalp with his harsh and hard fingertips, not in an affectionate way, but it seemed that he just wanted to disheve me and fuck with me.

“Mark, stop it.” I said, trying not to sound so annoyed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, still lashing out at my hair, so I swatted his hand away.

“You aren’t even doing it well.” I snorted again, trying to control the tone of my voice, but it did not work, my bratty voice came to light in that conversation.

“What are you talking about? I'm doing it like all the time, you love I pet your hair” Mark’s voice sounded totally confused, and he had reason to be, I couldn’t even understand why I was upset, but God I was! 

 

“Well, then I never liked it” I sighed heavily and stood up “I really need sleep, I had a week too heavy and in two weeks we will have partials.”

“Okay, I was just trying to help.” Mark tried to give me a pat on the head, but that pissed me more, did he thought I was a dog or something like that to like to be patted on the head?

“Well, don't do it, okay?” I rolled my eyes and stood up, fixing my hair that Mark had completely messed up. 

“You don’t have to act that way.” great, now Mark also had already begun to get annoyed, there was a small wrinkle in his brow. “I understand you're tired, I also am, I had a very hard day and just wanted to be with you.”

“You, tired?” I said “You are always tired, but because you want to sleep all day, you don’t know stress with you career.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Mark's voice had taken that dangerous low tone he adopted when he was mad, and if anyone knew Mark very well, they knew how terrifying it could be, it was time to stop, but my mouth and body seemed to act for themselves. 

“For the love of God, Mark! You study English as a second language, when in reality, it is your first language, do you understand the irony of the situation?” I said mockingly. “You only entered College to satisfy your parents and so they could keep giving you your allowance, but if it were for you, you wouldn’t even study, you would spend the entire day playing Overwatch, while Daddy pays your bills, and you perfectly know that you don’t even have to live in a dorm, Daddy will be more than happy to comply with a rich and luxurious apartment anywhere in the world, but no, here you are…”

“Stop it, Jinyoung” Mark had also stood up, his nostrils were dilated and his hands had become fists, well, I had done it, Mark was officially angry “You have no right to be telling me this kind of things, if we go there, you are studying Musical Theater, how complicated is that? At least I can get a decent job as a teacher or as a translator, you? What are the chances that you can succeed?”

“That wasn’t what you told me when I went to audition in Les Mis” I interrupted, pointing at him with an accusing finger.

“Because I have to help you in everything, because I am your boyfriend!” Mark had begun to raise his voice “And, as you seemed to forget, English is not my first language, it is the second because I was raised speaking Chinese, and you know perfectly well that I hate that my parents sponsor me everything, if I went to university it is because I want to make my own life away from them, if I am in this dorm it’s because of you!” His voice suddenly cut off, his eyes filled with tears, typical. “So, forgive me, if I tell you that it seems terribly unfair and selfish that you are claiming me this kind of thing, when everything I do, or most of the things I do, is because of you, because I love you.”

"Don't start crying, please." I replied, turning my back, to tell the truth, I had also felt too much like crying. "Most of our fights you airways en up in tears, trying just to make me feel sorry for you." 

"You know? I don't know what happened to you, maybe you just need to sleep, and this nonsense discussion is going to lead us to greater things." He sniffed his nose and took his things from the nightstand. "I'd better go, I'll be back when you're rested, and if my presence bothers you so much, I let you rest for a while." And without saying anything else, he left the room.

"Sure, just go away, as you always do." I said, throwing myself back in bed and letting out a frustrated scream against the pillow, and then bursting into tears, reconsidering every moment of that fight and, in fact, I didn't wanted to say all those things, then, why  had i suddenly felt so angry?

 

It was probably that I was going crazy.

X

X

X

              The class was getting horribly heavy.

I had been feeling terribly tired for more than a month, my body was sore as if I had a bad cold, I kept vomiting at every moment, sudden mood swings didn't help me feel better either, as I could feel fine one moment and the next I would be getting angry just because someone was breathing too loudly next to me, not to mention the days I feel so depressed to even get up from my bed, and what made it worse was that I hadn't been able to reconcile with Mark since our last fight, but I was too proud to accept that I had been wrong and apologize, he would have to do it first, but Mark was just as stubborn as me, so he wouldn't do it either, so it just made me feel worse.

Even so, I forced myself to continue with my life, attending class, tutoring, still accompanying one of my best friends to teach music to children in a community center, I thought that if I kept keeping my mind occupied, I could forget how horrible I felt.   


But that day, in my class at 8 in the morning, after spending a completely horrible night, with insomnia and without Mark's company, since he had decided to sleep in the living room until our thing was fixed, I could say that it was the worst day ever.

My body felt horribly heavy, my eyelids closed on their own, I forced myself to drink coffee to wake up, but every time I did it, my stomach churned and I was worried I would also throw up coffee, and surely I didn't wanted that while on class. I heard the teacher's voice far away, we were seeing some classical opera and vocal techniques, but it seemed that they were talking about how an atomic bomb worked, I couldn't  understand a word of it. 

"Professor Lee?" I raised my hand, slowly, when an annoying buzzing in my ears became present. "Can I excuse myself? I don't feel well." indeed, apart from the buzzing, my left arm was feeling numb and I was almost certain that my breathing had stirred.

"Yes, yes, of course, go, Wonpil, help him." Professor Lee, a nice and well experienced old man, had a frightened face, well, then I do had to be looking as bad as I felt.

My best friend rushed to help me out of my seat, all around me was spinning endlessly, great, I was passing out in public.

"Pil-ah" I whispered, leaning completely on my lanky friend. "Call Mark for me, would you?"

And as a fairytale princess, my world darkened, Wonpil's hands tried to hold me, however, the last thing I saw before falling into the void was the classroom floor approaching my face.

When I woke up, as I expected, I was already in the teacher's room of the building, maybe they hadn't been able to take me to the infirmary, or I was too heavy that they couldn't carry me there , whatever it was, I was so grateful that they didn't had walked as a parade all over the campus.

"Good! You're already awake, you were reaching the 5 minutes you have to start worrying about" Wonpil told me, as he realized I was blinking slowly "You are so pale that you look like you’re part of the Cullen clan." He tried to joke, but he was still kind of scared "Paramedics are already on their way."

"Did you call an ambulance?" I asked, my voice still sounded like I was in a tunnel.

"Correction, Mark called an ambulance, that dude was freaking out as soon as I said the word  _ fainted" _ he sat next to me and helped me to get up.

"Well, then I think there is no doubt that he already forgave me" I smiled, my legs and hands were shaking "Whew, it's been a while since my blood pressure lowered."

"Well, let me tell you that if you wanted to make an impact, you made it." He handed me a banana, who knows where he got it. "You looked almost like the freshman who passed out last semester at Professor Kim's recital."

"You mean Youngjae?" I asked. "Well, I mean, there had been a lot of incidents in that recital, to be fair.

"Oh, right! He is Jaebum's boyfriend, right?" He exclaimed "but his fainting didn't had anything to do with nerves, did it? It was because of the pregnancy…" he gave me a sidelong glance. 

"And are you mentioning that because…?" I asked, clenching my lips until they formed a simple line.

"It's just that, well, you know there is something like an epidemic lately, between boys and girls throughout the university, it's almost as if they had agreed to all babies born around the same time…"

"Wonpil, no." I interrupted "I'm not pregnant."

"Well, I'm just saying, one is never careful enough…"

"It's impossible" I interrupted again, if I had enough strength, I would have stood up and I would have gone off there, my friend didn't  had the fault that I was bothered with for his comments, he didn't know my past.

"I insist, I was just saying, unless…" he suddenly seemed to realize something very important and let out a laugh, slapping his forehead "of course! Sorry, it's just that between you and Mark Hyung I thought that...well no, forget it, Mark is a complete marshmallow, it's almost obvious that in bed he may be the…"

"Wonpil, my sex life is not something you can discuss right after I woke up from a faint and probably have my blood pressure on the floor."

Fortunately, before the other could comment on something else, Mark appeared through the door behind him, was the campus paramedic, looking bored.

"Jinyoung, for God's sake are you alright? Do you feel good Should we go to the hospital?" Mark knelt in front of me, taking my hands.

"I'm...okay" I said, I still felt incredibly dizzy "Probably is just low blood pressure, I used to have hypotension when I was a teenager, don't worry too much." I smiled weakly.

"I got really scared when I received the call, this seems like the typical scenario in a tragic movie in which you realize that something is wrong with the other person and …"

"You have to stop watching so many movies" I said, his drama had made me laugh a little, the paramedic, without saying a word, just took my arm, checking my blood pressure with the baumanometer.

"I really didn't think about it, I just wanted to make you laugh" he gave a long sigh and stood up, kissing me on the forehead.

"Indeed , you have your blood pressure on the floors, 80/40, Have you had breakfast today?" The paramedic told me, this time taking some blood from my finger to check my sugar levels.

"Honestly, no, I haven't eaten anything since last night" I confessed, Mark looked at me with reproach and guilt, he could have realized that if we hadn't been angry at each other, maybe in his mind he was feeling somewhat guilty that I had fainted "I have had many nausea and I can't eat all the food…"

"And why if you are in this state you don't make sure you get at least 3 meals a day." The paramedic repressed me.

"State?" Mark asked, thinking that it was some strange words in Korean that he didn't know.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" The paramedic asked me, making both of us roll our eyes.

"No, there is no probability of that"  I said, rubbing my face with one hand "Why do you immediately associate nausea and fainting with pregnancy? It's quite rude, you don't know the person's past. How do you know that maybe that person can't have children, doesn't want children or just lost one?"

"I'm sorry, it's part of the job" the paramedic apologized, looking embarrassed "I have seen so many cases like these that it is already the most common, especially in these times, it seems that pregnancy is transmittable  disease." 

 

"Well, you were wrong with me" there it was again, the undecipherable bad mood "Can you please go? Before you continue making offensive comments and report to your supervisor. I will be fine, don't worry, I know how to deal with this, I will only eat something for breakfast and go home to rest for the day. Thank you."

There was an awkward silence when both the paramedic and Wonpil left me   and Mark alone in the teacher's room, Mark had sat carefully next to me, circling my shoulders with one hand, while I slowly ate the banana Wonpil had left me, the other could not stop sighing from time to time.

"I know what you're thinking, Mark, I know that I was rude to him, he was just doing his job." I finally said, after a while, you could tell he was trying to say something, but didn't know how to approach it, I could understand his behavior, especially after my moodiness "But you know that this subject is too sensitive for me."

"I know, babe, I know, and I understand you" Mark said, holding my shoulders tighter "but I wasn't going to say anything about it, it's just that I'm too worried about how you've felt lately."

"You heard what the last doctor said, it is nothing more than a complicated cold, I have always been the kind of people that don't get sick often, but when I do, I feel really bad, there is nothing to worry about, I'll start eating better and taking some vitamins so my blood pressure isn't an issue anymore, it worked before, I'll be just fine." I assured him.

"You know, sometimes I think we did those fertility tests too soon." Mark sighed. "We are still in college, we are still young, we have a lot of life to enjoy together, alone, don't let this affect you so much."

"What do you mean?"

"I see how you observe Youngjae, I see how you observe all the children who pass through the street, I see all the love you have with the kids at the community center, and it kills me not to be able to give you what you so long for." Mark spoke carefully "You have to accept that all these symptoms resemble those that Youngjae told us he had at the beginning of his pregnancy, don't you think?"

"That my mind is so obsessed that it  now thinks I'm pregnant?" I had never admitted that thought out loud. "Yes, I know, I have thought about it, more than once, I just keep trying to keep my thoughts on the most possible and reasonable ones."

"This is why I tell you that we are still young, we have a lot of life ahead of us, and, as we had already spoken, we will have many opportunities to seek to start a family of our own, but for that there are many years left, Jinyoung, don't rush things." Mark returned to sit by my side, wiping tears from my face that I didn't even know I had begun to shed. "Everything will be fine, everything has its moment in life, we all have different purposes here, and I know that yours is to be an excellent father, but, not now, in the future, when you already have a successful career, when I have a stable job, when you are mine and I am yours for a lifetime, officially, when it's time, Jinyoung."

X

X

X

_ "Perhaps your heart asked so hard that someone has given you a miracle" _

Youngjae's voice echoed in my mind like some kind of broken record.

Could it really be?

It was strange , I had never really bothered to attend doctor appointments, but at that time my hands were sweating too much, my left leg kept bouncing and I was nowhere to start biting my nails, there was a feeling of emptiness in my stomach; beside me, Mark stared at the ceiling and I wondered if he should be there.

They had already broken our hearts once, it was a sensation that nobody wanted and that, of course, I  never wanted to repeat in living flesh.

They were just going to give us bad news, they were just going to disappoint us, they were just going to finish destroying my heart , they were just going to trample once more all our dreams and hopes.

I knew perfectly why they had referred us to the specialist doctor, maybe the general doctor had thought that this was the best thing for my mind to stop making stupid ideas, so that I would stop believing that Youngjae had really seen  _ the glow _ in me, or, all my symptoms were in fact something more serious, that's why he had ordered blood and urine tests, which still remained in a sealed envelope in my pocket.

 

We didn't need  this.

We didn't deserve  this.

And yet, there we were, with the flame of hope totally extinguished and forgotten in our hearts.

"Park Jinyoung" the receptionist nurse called me, startling us both, it was obvious that I wasn't the only one who was lost in their thoughts. "The doctor will see you now."

The office was like every obstetrician's office should be, including all the paraphernalia, oh, how many times we had been sitting in fertility clinics, spending money that we definitely didn't have, this was a deja vu, a horrible deja vu, in those occasions there was hope, now there was nothing.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen." Dr. Shin greeted us, taking off the glasses from the bridge of his nose. He looked as kind and professional as Youngjae had described him.  "Take a seat, don't be afraid." We both murmured our greetings. "Well, Dr. Jong handed me your case, I have here all your medical history." He opened a folder on his desk, reading with wrinkle in his nose "So, you, Jinyoung, you had a total hysterectomy with an occupied uterus when you were 18, Is that correct?" I clenched my jaw when I heard those terms, nodding my head "And you, Mark, did three different ultrasounds and various test, all of them were negative in terms of the ability to engender, correct?" Mark squeezed my hand, also nodding. "In that case, this is a complicated situation." Doctor Shin threw alternate glances at us, trying not to look at us with pity "I understand that Dr. Jong ordered some tests, do you have the results with you, Jinyoung?"

"Yes, here they are" I handed him the envelope, Doctor Shin read them silently, the wrinkles on his forehead increasing in depth "We don't understand very well why Dr. Jong directed us with you" I couldn't stand the silence "Is it something should we worry about? Am I really that sick? I feel so bad sometimes I have come to think that I might be…"

"Are you completely sure that you had a total hysterectomy?" The Doctor interrupted me, lowering the lab results "Perhaps, do you have any clinical summary of that stay? They should have given it to you when you were discharged."

"My parents must have it, they didn't give me anything personally given I was still a minor." I wrinkled my nose, trying to remember where those papers must be. “In fact, they didn’t even ask for my permission to perform the operation, I didn’t even knew I was pregnant until my parents confessed what they have done, two weeks after the surgery, so…” I cleared my throat as a knot had tightened, making my voice weak. “but I’m pretty sure my parents made sure that the doctor removed everything.”

“Look, Jinyoung, there are obviously thousands of reasons why the hCG levels are high in the tests, but cases like this have been seen only in women, since in hysterectomies doctors tend to leave the ovaries to not have a premature menopause, often this high levels are associated with a tumor.”the doctor said, we didn't understand half the terms he was using or what he was talking about, but I did understand what tumor meant, and it was serious, his voice was serious, Mark held my hand tightly. “However, as I read, the symptomatology doesn’t match at all.” Doctor Shin voice became a whisper, totally intrigued by the weirdness of the situation “Unless, considering you age and given the state that you personally didn’t know about your situation, maybe they chose to do a curettage with a bilateral tubal occlusion…”

“I also have an interconsultation with psychiatry” I admitted in a low voice, I didn't really know where the doctor's soliloquy was going, but it was better to set up all the facts at once. “All my symptoms began about three weeks after learning that Mark couldn't conceive either, so the other Doctor thought that maybe, well...I had a hysterical pregnancy.”

“A hysterical pregnancy could explain the nausea, tiredness, mood swings and all the things that you are feeling, but that doesn’t affect your lab results.” Doctor shin explained, he looked really thoughtful and intrigued. “I’ll just do an ultrasound, just to be sure and confirm the diagnosis, it’s all better when we have a clear image of the problem.”

“So, Jinyoung has a tumor?” Mark asked, he had said almost nothing since we entered the room .

“Most likely, or at least, that’s the most logical thing  likely” the doctor stood up and guided me to the examination table “But don't panic, these tumors are usually benign and treatable, especially if they are detected in time, it is not as aggressive as it could happen in a woman” the doctor added, seeing our scared faces. He lowered my pants a little, discovering my lower abdomen and pouring a jet of gel, placing a very rare device on my belly “Very well, then...here is the bladder, then lower must be...or it should be…” on the screen only appeared a reburge of black and white images, inexplicable forms before my inexperienced eyes and then something way too clear and quite recognizable appeared in our sights “Jesus! then yes, it is definitely something benign.” the doctor exclaimed.

I couldn't help but gape at the image I saw on the screen.

Never, honestly never, or at least not in real life, I thought I was going to see that image in my own flesh, that it was mine, that it was my body.

I had thousands of emotions pounding tightly in my chest, resulting in my first reaction to start laughing like a maniac, laughing that shook my whole body, next to me Mark had to sit back in his chair, pale as a sheet, tears furrowed his face faster than he mine, mine just blurred the screen and the image on it.

There was a beating heat, and the frantic and rhythmic sound of it filled the office, but that heart didn’t belong to me, it belonged to what certainly was a baby. 

 

A baby that was growing inside of me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!   
> I tried to make this as real as possible, but this is supposed to be a miracle, so...forgive me if there's something that doesn't seem right (well...at least he didn't noticed he was pregnant the day after, or the week after like I've read some works, come on people! be at least logical in a scenario where there is no logic!)
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series, and it may be difficult to understand the background of the different characters, so please, do read previous story.


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